Crap Journalism

From Football 365

Headine in The Sun: 'EU SURE TEVEZ?'

Breathless intro from Martin Blackburn: 'Carlos Tevez says winning the Europa League with Manchester City would match his Champions League triumph with United.'

Except, well, he doesn't does he Martin?

Here's what he does say: "My hope is that I win something with Manchester City. I want to win here just as I did with Manchester United."

So 'footballer has won some stuff and wants to win some more stuff' then? Anyone want to guess how many times he actually mentions the Champions League? Those who said 'big fat zero' win a Fab lolly and the green light to shout 'EU SURE MARTIN?' at one desperate Sun hack.

Young Boys v Spurs CL Play-off 1st Leg

In Celebration Of Tonight's Game...
With Tottenham's Champions League qualifier this evening in mind, it would be remiss of us not to mention Soccernet's headline of some five years ago, which even after the passing of time, is still a childish work of art:

From July 2005: 'Young Boys Wankdorf erection relief'.

Half a decade on, the applause still rings loudly

(Wankdorf is the name of Young Boys ground btw!)

Bitch Of The Weekend

"Joe Cole has gone to a smallish club somewhere north of the M25" - Saucer of cream for Chelsea chairman Bruce Buck please.

Yahoo bag rights to show Premier League highlights

5 minute clips available now on Yahoo of all Premiership games, link http://uk.eurosport.yahoo.com/football/premier-league/

Scouse v Arse SS1 16:00 K.O

Torres and Van Persie are both on the bench, the Scousers start off well, though the first half is pretty unevenfull until Joe Cole flies feet first into Laurent Koscielny and get's a straight red card.Second half and it's still Liverpool all the way and then Ngog wellies an angled shot from outside the penalty area 1-0!!! The Arse still look pretty pathetic, no Fabrigas, no Van Persie and no idea how to score against 10 men. Minutes left on the clock, a corner from Nasri, the ball cannons off Chamakh, hits the post, comes back out. Reina tries to grab it, but succeeds only in pushing it into the bottom left-hand corner. HA HA!!! Minute later a second yellow for Koscielney and off he goes, a goal each, and a red card each. Both teams look pretty piss poor to be honest...time will tell.

Chelsea v WBA ESPN 17:45

Chelsea put six past a hapless West Brom, Drogba bagging a hat-trick.The Baggies looked painfully weak, both in defence and up front, Chelsea cruised the game barely hitting second gear as they really didn't need to.This could be a long hard season for De Matteo's team, can they cling on for a second season in the top flight and put an end to the yo-yo-ing between Premiership and Championship?
Personal highlight was the eagle eyed camera man picking out West Londons own Marilyn Monroe in the crowd, there was me thinking the biggest tits in West London were Cole and Terry!!!

Cockney wankers 6-0 WBA

Premiership round-up.

Blackpool play their first ever game in The Premiership, and first in the top flight for nearly 40 years, and what a result.They stuff a shambolic, quite awful Wigan side on their own turf 4-0 and at 16:45 sit proudly on top of the table!!!!
Elsewhere James Milner plays probably his last game for Villa and scores, applauds the fans when subbed and gets a warm reception from the Brummie faithful, respect to that man.Everton have their usual pants start to the season losing 1-0 to Blackburn, Sunderland blow a 2-0 lead with 15 minutes to go, Birmingham's Ridgewell making it 2-2 with minutes left on the clock.

Spurs v Man Citeh SS1 12:45 K.O

Spurs are all over Citeh for most of the game, bombarding the goal with Joe Hart in superb form keeping the millionaire's in the game.Another £100M+ spent and City are still a collection of players and not a cohesive team, Spurs look good, great midfield with Huddelestone, Modric, Lennon, strong up front with Defoe, Pav and Lurch, Bale should have sealed it in the final moments missing a sitter.

Full Time 0-0